Category Archives: pays the rent

Day 11

What does day 11 of unemployment look like? Apparently it can’t sleep, but is tired a lot. Also, some serious ADD going on here. I bounce between websites, facebook, reading a novel, jotting down notes to things I may forget, and thinking about what to eat.

On the topic of eating: Apparently I have a problem with that. I’m used to having a schedule. You get up at x time. Then go to work. Make some coffee. Have a bowl of oatmeal or something at my desk. Lunch Break. Back to work with a snack in the afternoon. Home. Dinner. Random-life-things. Bedtime.

Rinse and repeat.

Without my usual schedule, I find that I simply “forget” to eat. Really? That’s possible? Chatting with a friend on instant messenger the other night, I realized that I was hungry. But, given that it was close to midnight, it was too late to have a real “dinner”. So I grabbed a light granola bar and called it a night.

If it weren’t for granola bars, I don’t know how I’d make it in this world! There is always one in my purse, my briefcase, my car console.

Luckily I have some at home, too. To tide me over until my schedule get’s back on track.  Hopefully that’s sooner rather than later

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Filed under food, pays the rent

I’m with Coco

I got a chance to watch Conan’s last taping of The Tonight Show over the weekend.  And, while it was funny, the best part were his words at the end.  He challenged people to avoid cynicism, as it is ineffective and pointless.  He capped it off with this:

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.

The hardest obstacle to overcoming cynicism lies in tackling your own heart.  That dark place where you hide your fears, your warts, your anger.  To excise those negative, life-sucking areas is humbling, hard work.  But the rewards are amazing.  It’s not about changing people, but about changing how you see people.

Or situations.

Right now it is 5 degrees here in MI with the windchill factor.  And I lost my job of 11 years last Friday afternoon.  The only job I’ve ever had.  The urge to give in to cynicism and anger is almost irresistible.

But..

But the sun is shining, and it’s so cheerful.  And I have amazing friends who have reached out to me with a word of kindness or encouragement.  And I know that God is with me through this as well.

And, I’m Happy.

Really Happy.   In spite of it all.  I know there’s a tough road ahead of me in the MI economy.  But I’m okay.  I’m healthy.  I’m loved, and I get to love people back.  And there is coffee and chocolate in the world, so life is good.

I feel a new bond with Conan as we both lost our jobs on the same day.  I mean, really, we’re practically kindred spirits now.  Blood-siblings (except with out the gross blood part – unless you count the blood-sucking “Man” that did us both in!)  So, call me Coco!  We’ll chat and compare networking strategies and next steps. 🙂

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Filed under Friends, God, pays the rent, this random life

Back in the swing…

Last week I shared a little about my struggles at work here.

And while things aren’t perfect, (after all, it is work!), they’ve certainly improved.  I feel like I’ve gotten back into my groove for the most part.  I have some new projects to work on, and some definite goals.

I still get side-tracked by “fires” that need to be put out.  And I still get overwhelmed by the amount of work that lands on my to-do list.  But at least I’m more cheerful about the situation.  But, man!  It was a rough couple of days.

I also want to thank all of you who sent kind words and advice my way – either via comment or email.  It really helped knowing that people were reaching through the internets to show some kindness.  I wasn’t sure if anyone (besides me and my coworkers) who would give a rip.

I just hope this positive swing in the right direction lasts for some time!

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Filed under NaBloPoMo, pays the rent

Sacrificing the gift

The VP of my company sent us an email today challenging us to finish the year strong.  He punctuated his challenge with the following quote from one of my heroes – Steve Prefontaine:

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.

One really motivated, driven man.

One really motivated, driven man.

Boy, have I been sacrificing lately!  I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking through the last few weeks.  My schedule has been too full (surprise, surprise!).  And I’ve been distracted both at work and with friends and family.

I’m not sure what is the exact cause of this lack of focus.  Most likely there are several.  I’m suffering most at work.  I am struggling with a slight attitude problem there.  I don’t think it’s overt and noticeable to others (yet) but I’m definitely feeling it on the inside.  There’s just no…. drive.  Ever since I was passed over for promotion again – I have felt a minor apathy.

It’s gotten better in the last day or so.  I was able to accomplish a lot today and and started hacking away at my to-do list.  I was even able to lay some ground work for future projects.  But it still feels like an uphill battle.

So my question to you is:  What do you do to dig yourself out of the dumps at work?

Any tips and/or suggestions are appreciated!

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Filed under NaBloPoMo, pays the rent

Boo!

T.G.I.H (Thank Goodness It’s Halloween!)

Its time for the Great Pumpkin!

It's time for the Great Pumpkin!

Oh, yeah – and it’s also Friday. 🙂

I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.   What a long, crazy week it’s been!   To recap briefly:

1.) Sudden re-appearance of the job opportunity that I didn’t get hired for previously.

2.) Pressure by multiple parties to reapply

3.) Series of long, challenging interviews.  (Which weren’t so bad, really)

4.) Stress of finding out that if I got this job I would immediately be packing up and heading to New Jersey for three weeks.

5.) Waking up each morning this week (except for today) feeling sick to my stomach, and actually getting ill twice.

6.) And finally, today – finding out that my coworker beat me out for the job.

 

Phew!  I’m actually relieved.  First off – I had some stiff competition.  Neither of us felt like we had an idea of which way it would go.  I couldn’t ask for a better person to be up against!  Secondly – she wanted it more than I did.  And that’s the truth. 

I didn’t share much here about what was going on in my chaotic brain regarding this opportunity.  Mostly because I was using my blog as an escape from the crazy talk in my mind!  Let’s just say that there were pros and cons about this particular territory.  Up until yesterday I wasn’t sure if I’d even accept the position if it was offered to me. 

So, like the last time I posted about this job: Phew!  I’m glad it’s over. 

Plus I walked away with a better grasp of not only the interview process, but where I feel my next steps are in my career.  This latest position was thisclose to being what I wanted – but my heart wasn’t really into it.  I am ready to hold out for the role where I can really SHINE.

 

And as an added bonus: today is one of my favorite days of the year.  I can splurge on ridiculous amounts of chocolate and candy.  Yee-haw!  Especially Snickers and Bottle Caps.  yum!  Oh how I love thee, elusive Bottle Cap!

mmmmmmm........

mmmmmmm........

In honor of this great holiday, I’m taking my first poll.  What’s your favorite Halloween treat???  Let me know!

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Filed under food, pays the rent, this random life

Running on fumes.

I have to confess about a problem I have.  I just can’t seem to get my sorry butt into bed at a decent hour.

Only twice since I’ve been back on this side of the globe have I been in bed by midnight.   Even then, only barely  (11:30pm the last two nights).  It is definitely beginning to wear on me!  I can totally relate to this picture from icanhascheezburger.com:

must..... have..... caffeine!

must..... have..... caffeine!

This last week has been especially hectic.  I have a lot of people to catch up with and projects to pick back up again now that I am home. 

Oh – and there’s the little matter of my being asked to re-apply for the promotion I was denied a while back.   Which I found out about on Monday.   I survived a crash course of three interviews on Tuesday – and felt pretty okay about them, too.  Then the next bomb was dropped:  If I end up getting this job – I have to leave for three weeks of training.  Starting this coming Monday.

So, um, yeah.  Stress?  I has it. 

I’m not even done unpacking from my Kenya trip.  Now I have to get my life organized and prepare to leave again?  Of course, it’s only if I get the job this time.  Which I won’t find out until…… Friday morning.

I completed my last interview today with the sales director and now a coworker (who is my “competition”) and I just sit back and wait for 24 hrs.

I think this whole process is a test to see how flexible I can be, and how I handle myself under a lot of pressure. 🙂  The answer to that question is: A lot of chocolate. And carbs.  And really corny knock-knock jokes.

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Filed under pays the rent, this random life

More of the same

Remember when I talked about my interview a few weeks ago?

Well, it did actually take place on our second attempt.  But I just found out that they offered that position to an outside candidate.  Bummer.

Luckily, I’m not too upset. A little disappointed, yes – but not crushed.  After the interview, I just started getting a bad feeling about this job.  I can’t explain it, but there was an unrest.  A lack of peace.  I considered meeting with my manager to discuss withdrawing my application.  But, I prayed about it and decided that I would just wait and see what happened with the interview/hiring process before I acted further.

I’m glad I did – since I didn’t get the job anyway. :/

So, for now, it’s just more of the same here at work.  I’m kind of in a holding pattern right now, but I’m ok with it.

The upside?  I have more time to train internally through a mentorship with my manager and some seasoned reps.  Also – I still get to have casual Fridays.  I would not be rockin’ the Birkenstocks, jeans, and graphic tee if I had the new job.   Somedays, you just have to find consolation in comfortable clothes. 🙂

Have a great weekend – I’m heading up north and will be back on Monday!

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Filed under pays the rent